Greg Behrendt

While consulting for Sex and the City, stand-up comedian Greg Behrendt responded to a female writer’s guy woes with the observation, “He’s just not that into you.” That offhand remark led to 2004’s best-selling book He’s Just Not That into You, coauthored by Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, which set out to disabuse women of the romantic myth that a man’s signs of disinterest (not calling, not popping the question, not being nice) indicate anything other than disinterest. For our Singles issue, we talked with Behrendt about the new film version starring Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck, Jennifer Connelly and Drew Barrymore. Spoiler alert (in case you’re unfamiliar with the conventions of Hollywood romcoms): major plot points revealed.

Time Out Chicago: So…how into the film are you?
Greg Behrendt: [Laughs] I like it. They did a nice job of capturing elements of the book, considering it has no narrative and it’s a self-help book. How’d you like it?

TOC: Well, the book has this central idea: “Deal with us [men] as we are, not how you’d like us to be.” But in the film, the Affleck and Justin Long characters suddenly become who their women want them to be.
Greg Behrendt: Well, in the book it’s also understood that you’re allowed to ask for what you want in a relationship and that people can either step up to the game you’re willing to play or not step up at all.

TOC: Right, but Long goes from being the book’s mouthpiece to its rare exception: the guy who didn’t know who he wanted. Do you think the film betrays the book’s idea?
Greg Behrendt: I don’t think so, but I don’t know how people will react to that. I do think people turn around, but I don’t think you should wait for that to happen, so I don’t know. Is that the message you came away with, that if you hang in there, somebody will change?

TOC: Yeah, because the film revolves around those exceptions. The book would tell Aniston’s character, “You’ve been with this guy for seven years. He’s never gonna marry you. Dump him.”
Greg Behrendt: Right.

TOC: But then the film again does a 180. So it just seems like, That’s not what I read.
Greg Behrendt: I think the idea is when you give somebody the option of being without you, the result can vary. More often than not, the person didn’t want to be with you. But I have heard stories in my five years since the book came out of women who did that very thing and then the guy came back.

TOC: In the book itself, why is the onus on women to change? Why not tell men to be honest about what they want?
Greg Behrendt: I would give the exact same information to a guy, and have.

TOC: So it could just as easily have been She’s Just Not That into You?
Greg Behrendt: Easily. Easily. The book was written for women because it was women that wanted the book to be written. It was Liz’s idea to write the book. Men don’t purchase books like this very often; publishers are loath to make them.

TOC: Have women you dated said, “What the hell do you know about being in relationships?”
Greg Behrendt: I’ve gotten the “I guess you just weren’t that into me” e-mails. I’ve never tried to pass myself off as anything more than a comedian who wrote a dating book. And in our book I say that if your relationship’s really in the shitter, seek the advice of professionals. We’re like the red light in your car that lets you know, hey, this isn’t going well.

TOC: What were your relationships like before you met your wife?
Greg Behrendt: I was the guy that wouldn’t call. I was the guy that got busy and had other things going. And I was also the guy that stood in your lawn and wanted you to come back and didn’t understand why you didn’t love me if I loved you so much.

TOC: Are you already counseling your daughters, True and Mighty, on their future relationships?
Greg Behrendt: The best thing I can do is let them know they’re loved and hope they have the confidence to make good choices.

TOC: You’re all about the love.
Greg Behrendt: I’m all about the love, baby. I love people. I genuinely do.

TOC: Does it ever amaze you that you’ve had an entire career come out of what’s really a basic idea—that actions speak louder than words?
Greg Behrendt: You know, my buddies are like, Dude, I could’ve written this. I’m like, I know. You should’ve. [Laughs] It is just that idea that we have a small amount of time here and to be wasting it doing time in a relationship or a crap job or having a shit life just doesn’t make sense.

He’s Just Not… is in theaters now.

• More Film articles