Al Scorch, St. Ratrick's Day organizer

On Saturday 13, freak-bike gang the Rat Patrol will host the ninth St. Ratrick’s Day, a pageant of modified bicycles and gonzo costumes (space aliens, religious figures), as an alternative to the city’s booze-and-bro-soaked traditional St. Patrick’s Day Parade. The route will be announced at 1pm at the Garfield Park Conservatory (300 N Central Park Ave, 312-746-5100). “Bring festive clothes, fireworks and concealed liquor,” says Scorch, a longtime Rat Patroller.

St. Ratrick’s Day celebrates the Rat Patrol’s namesake. How did that urban pest become the mascot?
It represents our subtle yet very prevalent influence: spreading disease, strewing garbage about, being a general nuisance. [Laughs] You don’t see rats often, but once you catch a glimpse of one, your mind has terrible fantasies of the giant nests and labyrinthine tunnels under the city where these colonies of rodents propagate.

And you’re burrowing somewhere?
Burrowing and propagating a race of strange, fun bicycles silently under the city.

What kind of bike are you planning to ride in the parade?
The flagship bike: a three-framed chopper. It has a mounting bracket for the Rat Patrol flag. Those specifications came down from the council of elders.

Um, right. So, I’ve always wondered how you guys get on those supertall cycles.
When a certain level of momentum is reached, the rider is able to gently step up and climb the bicycle.

I’ve heard you do some exotic grilling after the St. Ratrick’s Day ride.
We try to do a different novelty animal every year. In years past, we’ve done rat.

How does your mascot taste—like chicken?
It’s gamey. And sensual. There’s a certain oiliness to the mouthfeel. [Laughs]

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