T%*t's in a name?

Maggot Twat, Mister Fuckhead, Piss Piss Piss Moan Moan Moan, Slut Barf—each week we see these blue boys’-room monikers in the listings and chuckle in disbelief. What drives a bluegrass band to name itself Sexfist? How do you tell Grandma you’re the guitarist in Fuckface Unstoppable? The names are so outrageous, we just had to explore. Give them some credit; they’re more memorable than “Wilco.”

Daniel Manzella of Maggot Twat
How’d you come up with the name?
We were fishing, no joke. Everything was really still and quiet. “Maggot Twat” just jumped into my head. I dunno why. The name is disgusting, childish and stupid. Just like me.
What band names did you reject?
“Flying Penis” crossed my mind. I even drew out a logo and mascot.
How did you explain this to your parents?
I still have never told my family. It’s been ten years. I refuse to tell them because I don’t want them coming to our shows and seeing what their sons have become. We play pornos, video games and cartoons on a projection screen. I don’t want them to think they’ve failed us.
How does Maggot Twat pay the bills?
We are all plumbers. We’re a bunch of Italians. We’re brothers as well. We’re the Super Mario Brothers. We worked recordings of our angry boss into some of our songs. In one song he says, “Thanks a lot, buddy. You forgot the fucking gas pipe!!”
The worst name for a band?
The Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza. Which is why they’re awesome.

Ben Wright of Sexfist
How’d you come up with the name?
After one of our first shows, someone popped the question, “What’s the worst possible name we can come up with for a traditional bluegrass band?” Bluegrass has a stigma of being played by conservative country folks.
Describe the first time you told your family the band’s name.
Cringes abound.
The worst name for a band?
Sexfist.

Vadim Sprikut of Shattered Hymen
How’d you come up with the name?
I vaguely remember an esoteric reference to a phrase some Norse god uttered as an exclamation. Even the people offended by it laugh.
How did you explain this to your parents?
My mom’s first language isn’t English, so I first had to explain to her what a hymen actually was. That was awkward. Other acquaintances, coworkers and family get politely horrified looks, and the conversation quickly goes elsewhere.
What do you do for a living?
I’m a licensed clinical social worker. I work at a hospital doing emergency-room psychiatric-crisis work and also just started a private psychotherapy practice.
The worst name for a band?The Goo Goo Dolls.

Justin McGuffin of Fuckface Unstoppable
How’d you come up with the name?
Many moons ago, three strapping young lads had a mighty thirst for fine ale and adventure. They happened upon a seaside tavern, whereupon they met a salty ol’ sea dog by the name of Fuckface, captain of the good ship Unstoppable. Ol’ Fuckface had a meetin’ with Davy Jones. Fuckface, this is for you.
What band names did you reject?
We didn’t choose this name. It chose us.
How did you explain this to your parents?
They were quite upset at first, but Ol’ Fuckface visited each and every one of them in a dream and assured them it was our destiny.

Arvo Zylo, a.k.a. Mister Fuckhead
How’d you come up with the name?
I used to wear a pin in high school that said, THAT’S MISTER FUCKHEAD TO YOU! Close friends would call me that, and I liked the way it sounded. You probably expect some guy in a funny costume with a rock band, barking out base and sleazy lyrics. But I’m very serious about the music.
What band names did you reject?
Mister Fuckhead was the first one I thought of. No sense in thinking twice.
How did your mom take it?
My mom doesn’t know why anyone would call themselves that word on purpose when she went through life trying to avoid being insulted. Her maiden name is Mudd.
What do you do for a living?I am a vendor at Wrigley Field, a bartender for catered events and an actor at a haunted house.
The worst name for a band?
Nonsense is the only truth. Nonsense bands are walking a fine line between being eloquent and exciting, or boring and meandering. I can go the rest of my life without another bad nonsense band name. Death to fake nonsense! Only the real shit!