Polyamorous lifestyle | Kayo’s diary

Polyamorous lifestyle Kayo, 26, Lakeview, bisexual

In 2008, Kayo realized she was in love with two people. After the “residual panic” from her Catholic upbringing settled, she came out as polyamorous—having multiple intimate relationships at once—to friends last year and to her parents in September.

December 11 Bumped into Kurt at tonight’s PU40 (Poly Under 40) dinner and mingle event. I met him on OkCupid in August, but I don’t see him enough to decide what I’d be interested in trying to develop with him. Pietro, my only steady boyfriend right now, came over after the mingle and spent the night. Pietro and I met on OkCupid in June. He’s been married for nine years, but they recently opened up the marriage. To get this out of the way now, because it’s always people’s next question: no. Though she is a lovely woman, I am not dating Pietro’s wife. Tonight, I caught him doing my chores again. Next time my mom suggests my partners are just taking advantage of me, I should send her a picture of Pietro washing my dishes in his pj’ss.

December 14 I’m hoping to get some time with Norrin and Diana before I go visit my family for the holidays. I’ll be honest: I don’t know what to call the dynamics that I’m exploring with them. They both identify as poly. I met Norrin on OkCupid in August, and I met Diana at a poly event in September. For me, poly meetups (besides PU40, I go to Chicago Polyamory events) have always been more for socializing and building community than finding dating partners. But I have a crush on Diana, and told her last month. I don’t know if I should be more forward or let her make the first move. We’ve been cuddly and flirty in the past, but something doesn’t seem to be clicking anymore.

December 18 Went to a shindig at Kurt’s. He invited me to stay for a bit after everyone left. It was nice. We got to chat, and he gave me a back rub.

December 23 Told Pietro I feel weirdly guilty about restoring my OkCupid profile in order to find a couple more…viscerally focused relationships. His response: “Why? It sounds like it would be good for you.” This is part of why I love him. He’s legitimately concerned with my needs being met, even when I sometimes need other people to do so. Being back on OkC did help me get back in touch with Piotr, a guy I messaged with a few times in October. He’s still interested in meeting!

December 26 I told Norrin I love him. Via text, no less. This is what happens when I visit my family, get stressed out, and dig through old photos and nostalgic mementos until I’m just a raw bundle of feelings.

December 27 Norrin thanked me for sharing my feelings and said that he’d like to talk about it more soon. This, in my opinion, is an ideal response.

December 31 I met Selina and Remy at poly events back in September and November, respectively. I’m not sure what to do about my crushes on them. Pietro just started seeing Selina and, while I’m theoretically cool with socially incestuous dating, I’m not sure that I’m ready for it, if she’s even interested. Remy lives way out in the ’burbs with his wife and kids, and has a couple girlfriends already. His wife knows about his lifestyle, but that just seems…complicated. But I just sent him a message via Facebook, asking him out. And e-mailed Selina to tell her I have a crush on her. Apparently, I’ve decided to start the New Year with no lingering emotional secrets. How novel…and terrifying.

January 1 After 1.5 months, I finally met Piotr! Bumped into him at a NYE party. Small world! He seems really sweet. I wish we’d had a little more time to talk. But we agreed we’d definitely like to meet up again, in a more one-on-one setting.

January 2 Selina’s only interested in being friends. But I’m getting together with Remy next Tuesday!

January 3 I sent Diana the “So…what’s up with us?” e-mail. She agreed that whatever the easy, flirty vibe we had going on at first was, it seems to have gotten lost. She’s suggested we go back to just being friends. Can’t say I’m not disappointed, but I’m very happy to still have the friendship. Norrin is still super broken from a recent outpatient surgery. I’m just not gonna hope to see him this month.

January 4 I feel sick. Kinda works out, though. Pietro’s feeling terrible that he has a bunch of work to do while he’s over tonight. But a low-key night watching TV and snuggling while he works sounds awesome.

January 10 Met up with Remy at a bar after work. We had some drinks and food and talked for a couple of hours, and then he gave me a ride home. Somehow, tonight was the first time I ever made out in a car. Still not sure what will happen with us. Getting into a new relationship is always a little scary, whether it’s monogamous or polyamorous. I’ve had some very bad luck with some very unhealthy relationships in the past, so I have a whole extra cluster of anxieties. But I value having Remy, Pietro and Norrin in my life, and I look forward to exploring what I might develop with each of them.

Want to date Kayo? E-mail kayoa@tocpersonals.com.