Trump tips

It's rough being the Donald. That's what he told a raucous crowd of wanna-be tycoons in New York on October 23. Trump was paid $1.5 million (that's $25,000 a minute) to share his get-rich-in-real-estate chutzpah with attendees as the headliner of Learning Annex's Real Estate Wealth Expo, which drew nearly 50,000 people. The expo, which also features motivational stars like Tony Robbins, arrives in Rosemont on Saturday 5 and Sunday 6.

In New York, Trump spent most of his hour-long speech ragging on The New York Times (one of its reporters just published TrumpNation: The Art of Being the Donald), talking about being broke, and dropping an f-bomb here and there. Though we heard his talk was similar to the one he gave in Los Angeles in May, he was affable and, at times, downright funny.

Can't afford to shell out $100 to $500 to consort with the Master of Apprentices? Check out our Cliff Notes.

Focus on your shit Trump said that in 1990, it hit the fan for him big time. About $900 million in the hole, he clawed his way out after "the hardest working period of my life." While naysayers claim that the real-estate bubble is about to burst, Trump said that interest rates will stay low for a little while longer. He also said he wasn't paying attention to everything in the '80s, which practically bankrupted him in the '90s. So put the bong down, Grasshopper.

Do what you like If you don't love flipping burgers, roll some burritos—but love what you do. While Trump has never had to work a horrible job, he did tell a story of a friend who quit his brutal job on Wall Street to be president of a country club. "His wife even says they're having sex again," Trump said.

Pound on desks When The Apprentice topped ratings, Trump wanted a raise with his contract extension. "I went in there, pounding on the desk, and said, 'I want Friends-type money.'"

Screw someone Not that way. "Get even," he said. If someone screws you, screw them ten times harder. "At least then maybe they won't fuck around with you." After all, if you can't play like the "big boys" like John Wayne or Bob Hope, you shouldn't be around.

Be lucky That's what he said.

Love losers, don't think like them "I love losers," Trump said. "I don't want to be with a winner. They're always telling you how successful they are." But to be a winner, you have to think like one. "And you folks are winners." Even if you're a poor bastard living with your parents, at least you got that going for you. Now get out and make a million, you aspiring slumlord.—Molly Brown

For details, visit www.learningannex.com.