Camp it up!

Ahh, summer camp. Who can forget the panty raids, the sing-alongs, the short-sheeted beds and other carefree fun? Sadly, now you’re older and those idyllic days are just a memory. But they don’t have to be: You can still get some fresh air, learn a new skill and even play some pranks at these getaways, most of which are a mere stone’s throw from the city.

Ox-Bow School of Art and Artists’ Residency

WATER COLORS The Ox-Bow School of Art lets you express your arty side in front of the campus lagoon.

3435 Rupprecht Way, Saugatuck, MI (800-318-3019, www.ox-bow.org); Jun 11–Aug 26; $950 for one week, $2,040 for two weeks (includes room and board); Ages: 25–55With galleries lining its boardwalk and plenty of working studios, quaint Saugatuck (about two and a half hours from Chicago) is well regarded as an artsy sort of town. Ox-Bow is the reason it got that way. Founded in 1910 by Art Institute faculty members as an art-community haven away from the big city, Ox-Bow offers dozens of one- and two-week courses. Always wanted to learn glassblowing, drawing, metal sculpture or other specialties? Here’s your chance.

Staying on-campus at the historically preserved 19th-century inn isn’t mandatory (some take advantage of Saugatuck’s many B&Bs), but thanks to a recent renovation, there’s even more room available. “The same quiet, respite feel of 1910 is what you get now,” says Sarah Workneh, one of the teachers at Ox-Bow.

The original structure still houses a gallery space as well as a relaxing front porch, where you can chill out in one of the hanging swings and dream up your next masterpiece. And if you’re put off by the cost, a limited number of work scholarships are available every summer—16 hours a week of kitchen or other grunt work equals $300 off tuition.

Try this prank Steal one of your fellow students’ portfolio cases and replace artfully rendered drawings with traced outlines of your hand.

Winner!
Best place to...rekindle the fire

Love, Intimacy and Sexuality Workshop

Camp Ronora, 9325 Dwight Boyer Rd, Watervliet, MI (313-791-8566, www.hai.org); Aug 18–20; $495 (meals and lodging included); Ages: 25–75

If talking nooky makes you squirm, sign up for this weekend workshop run by the Midwest office of the California-based Human Awareness Institute, a national organization that’s helped thousands get to the source of their freaky Freudian hang-ups. Held on 130 wooded acres at Ronora Lodge (about two and a half hours from Chicago), you’ll join 25 or so other love seekers in becoming one with nature…that is, when you’re not having your mind blown during guided exercises that include gentle face-stroking and group discussions where you just might bare your very soul for not-so-perfect strangers.

Singles and couples of all sexual orientations are welcome to join the love-in. Norm Whiteside, who has been producing these events for six years, says he can’t really give away much about the process, but refers to the workshop atmosphere as “the safest place on earth…a place to examine how love, intimacy and sexuality fit into your life.” Whiteside and his wife, Debbie, serve as facilitators along with a staff of volunteers and trained psychologists. Accommodations range from campsites to private rooms (with shared bathrooms), and yes, there is a hot tub.

Try this prank During the first group session, pull a 40 Year-Old Virgin and ask the moderator if it’s true that “if you don’t use it, you lose it.” Backup: Drop a Baby Ruth in the hot tub.

Apex Adventure AllianceRockIn’ River Trip
Apex headquarters, 722 Water St, Prairie du Sac, WI (608-434-3360, www.apexadventurealliance.com); Jun 17–19, Jun 30–Jul 2; $325 (includes food, camping and instruction); Ages: 21–35

Want to go to camp, but you’re turned off by the idea of sleeping in a tiny room? Apex Adventure Alliance’s Rockin’ River trips give you the chance to sleep out under the stars, in the woods and on the banks of a sandbar along the Wisconsin River. The jaunts, which combine rock climbing and canoeing, provide the perfect excuse to get your ass outside and into the great outdoors. All you need is a sleeping bag and transportation to Devil’s Lake State Park (just north of Madison). Apex provides tents, meals and all the equipment for the entire extended weekend. On Friday night, you’ll bond over beers and a bonfire with 20 or so other mellow adventure seekers. (The trip is BYOB, but there’s always some willing soul ready to head into town for backup booze.) On Saturday morning, breakfast is served before a short course on knots, belaying (rope-control techniques) and safety. Then, it’s time to head over to the rocks for a day of low-intensity climbing.

That night, you might chow some barbecue at the campsite, or head to the outdoor tiki bar at local favorite Hooty’s Sports Bar & Grill in nearby Baraboo. Don’t worry if you drink too much; the Sunday river trip is the “soft” part of this adventure. Speedier kayaks are available, but most opt for an easygoing canoe—all the better to take in the untouched scenery and look for bald eagles and blue herons along the winding river. At the end of the lazy, six-hour trek, you’ll sleep on one of the many sandbar islands under the stars.

Try this prank In the middle of the night, move that rock-climbing show-off—sleeping bag and all—to an isolated sandbar a few miles down the river. Good riddance.

Winner!
Best place to...sharpen your skills

Chopping Block Culinary Boot Camp
222 Merchandise Mart Pl, suite 107 (312-644-6360, www.thechoppingblock.net); Mon–Fri, third week of every month; Summer: Jun 19–23, Jul 24–28, Aug 21–25; $1,750 for one week; Ages: 17–75

SLICE OF LIFE The Chopping Block's Culinary Boot Camp will teach you how to fatten up your friends.

Okay, okay—it’s not technically camp, but if you enjoy wearing clogs and chef’s pants but you aren’t up for the commitment of culinary school, Chopping Block offers an intense training program that crams several courses of a culinary curriculum into five action-packed days. The classes are small—12 students max—allowing plenty of personal attention as you sharpen your knife skills; butcher, braise and roast; create your own sauces and soups; and explore menu planning and the science behind flavor dynamics. “It’s a vigorous cooking schedule—you should be prepared physically and emotionally,” owner Shelly Young says. “But we’re not drill sergeants. We want this to be a positive learning experience.”

Each 8am-to-5pm session takes place in the Chopping Block’s state-of-the-art kitchens at the Merchandise Mart location, and moves swiftly from lecture to chefs’ demos to hands-on work. Along the way, student creations are served to the group (get ready for lots of sampling), and at the end of the day the class kicks back over a glass of wine and tries to figure out what the hell went wrong with your béarnaise sauce.

Try this prank Go to a magic shop. Buy a fake thumb and faux blood. When you’re mincing onions, well…you get the idea.

The Loft Literary Center Writing Retreats
St. John’s University, Collegeville, MN (612-215-2581, www.loft.org); Jul 29–30 (with optional early check-in Jul 28); $332 (all-inclusive); Ages: 25–45
Being a writer sounds cool, but where do you start? For those just beginning, some writing retreats can be intimidating. Who wants some creatively frustrated writing professor (who’s still milking his one Atlantic Monthly short story) critiquing his or her brilliant new opus? Minneapolis-based the Loft, the nation’s largest nonprofit literary center, is the answer. A place for writers to learn and collaborate in a nonacademic environment, it’s been a magnet for budding scribes from all over the country for more than 30 years. And every summer, the Loft takes its show on the road by hosting out-of-town sabbaticals—this year at St. John’s University in Collegeville, Minnesota (an eight-hour drive)—so experienced and aspiring authors can immerse themselves in their craft amid real-life Benedictine monks on 2,400 acres of forest, lakes and prairie.

Three workshops are scheduled at the same time at this overnight retreat, allowing a maximum of 17 students in each to receive personalized attention. This year’s topics include an “Attentiveness Retreat for Writers” led by poet and cellist Carol Pearce Bjorlie, who will help you conjure the next great way to rip off Marly and Me. The Loft’s Paulette Warren recommends that writers take advantage of the optional early check-in on Friday for a reception that includes booze and readings so they can buddy up with the author-instructors. The cost includes meals and air-conditioned dorms. The sessions run all day Saturday through late-afternoon Sunday.

Try this prank Tell one of your classmates you work for a major publisher and you’d like to sign him or her to a three-book deal.

Camp Manito-wish Adult Trips
5650 Camp Manito-wish Ln, Boulder Junction, WI (715-385-2312, www.manito-wish.com/programs/adulttrips.html); Aug 19–27; $750 (all-inclusive); Ages: 21–60
A six-hour drive away, Camp Manito-wish YMCA is the quintessential youth summer camp—with arts and crafts, archery, sailing and all the other fun stuff you remember from Meatballs. And that’s what makes its adult trips so damn cool: On the first and last days of these nine-day excursions, you get to hang out with your kids and even chow down with them in the lodge dining hall (no food fights, please). But instead of weaving baskets, adults spend their week pounding some rugged terrain.

Perfect for those with a serious interest in the outdoors but without the funds for all that fancy North Face gear, the camp provides everything but your sleeping bag, including guides who are also trained lifeguards and first-responders. But they ain’t no Sherpas—you’ll be expected to get your hands dirty during these small-group trips (six to eight per group), whether you kayak the sea caves of northern Wisconsin’s Apostle Islands or trudge through forests along the shores of Lake Superior in northeast Minnesota. And when the adventure is complete, it’s back to camp, where you’ll clean up the equipment and brag to the kiddies around the campfire back at good ol’ Camp Manito-wish.Try this prank When roasting marshmallows with the kids, tell that “mad killer with a hook for a hand” story, then bust out an actual hook at the climactic moment.

Winner!
Best place to...increase yournet worth

Nike Adult Tennis Camp
University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, Atkins Tennis Center, 1800 S Wright St, Urbana (800-645-3226, www.ussportscamps.com); Jun 23–25, Jul 7–9, Jul 21–23; $355 (tennis instruction only); Ages: 20–50
Tennis, anyone? If you’re going to try to improve your game, you might as well do so with NCAA coaches at a recently renovated, multimillion-dollar facility. These Nike-sponsored Adult Tennis Camps take place at U. of I.’s brand-new Atkins Tennis Center, and feature eight immaculate outdoor and six regulation indoor courts, so you’ll get your money’s worth even if it rains. You’ll have to score your own digs—the U. of I. dorms are off-limits—but the Hawthorne Suites (217-398-3400), which is three blocks from campus, offers a discounted rate for campers.

There’s a welcoming cocktail party Friday night, and then Saturday it’s down to business, as you and roughly 40 other weekend warriors get some serious instruction from the likes of Illini men’s coach Brad Dancer (who also coached someone named Martina Navratilova) along with video analysis and plenty of match play. Bonus: All participants receive a free pair of Nike tennis shoes upon registration.Try this prank Replace one of the camper’s tubes of Ben-Gay with K-Y jelly.

Winner!
Best place to...get in tunewith yourself

Interlochen Center for the Arts Adult Band Camp and New Horizons Music Camp
Main campus, 4000 Hwy M-137, Interlochen, MI (800-681-5912, www.interlochen.org/college); Jun 11–16, Aug 9–14; $299–$359 (tuition only); Ages: 20–75

THEY'RE WITH THE BAND Check out a concert on Interlochen's open-air stage, left, or play the flute on the sidewalk with a giant bear.

This “Harvard of the arts” five hours away in the scenic North Woods of northeastern Michigan, takes band camp much more seriously than the recent straight-to-video American Pie spin-off. But you don’t have to be named Yo-Yo to participate in its offerings: The Interlochen College of Creative Arts plays host for its first time to New Horizons—a national music camp that’s a nonintimidating entry point for those with no musical experience (or a reentry point for former high-school band geeks hoping to blow decades of dust off the old clarinet). “Our motto is, ‘Your best is good enough,’?” says New Horizons founder Roy Ernst. Choose one ensemble—band, chorus or orchestra—and then two classes from a diverse list featuring jazz, blues, musical theater and even barbershop chorus. Adults of any age are welcome, but expect a mostly 50-and-older crowd. (Register by Jun 1.)

For more serious band campers, there’s Interlochen’s own Adult Band Camp. Held in June, this rigorous session brings together 30 students with chops (ages range from 20-year-olds to boomers), who practice and perform as a well-oiled ensemble while also attending private training sessions with woodwind, brass and percussion masters. Regardless of one’s skill level, a huge draw is the campus itself, spread among 1,200 acres between two glacial lakes. Lodging includes rooms with lakeside views at the on-premise hotel (from $62 to $104), and for $16 a day you can get three squares in the cafeteria. Try this prank Start every story you tell during icebreaker activities with “This one time, at band camp...” in a very earnest tone. When a fellow camper finally snaps at you, cry.

Silent Retreat at the Self Realization Meditation Healing Centre
7187 Drumheller Rd, Bath, MI (517-641–6201, www.bbonline.com/mi/roselake/); Jul 21–23; $109, all-inclusive (tax not included); Ages: 18–80
Blah, blah, blah…whether it’s your boss during that weekly staff meeting or the annoying dude jabbering into his cell phone at Wrigley, we all have days when we wish the world would just shut…the hell…up. A few miles outside East Lansing and the Michigan State campus, you can enjoy the sweet sound of silence for an entire weekend with nine other guests at the Self Realization Meditation Healing Centre. While you won’t take a vow like those crazy monks, mum is definitely the word during this silent retreat—guests can speak if it’s necessary, but are encouraged to communicate (or just play hangman) using the writing tablets scattered throughout the property.

Many guests pass the hours strolling the 4,000-plus acres of hardwood forest; but most take advantage of the unprecedented peace and quiet to indulge their artsy side, whether that means painting, journal writing or totally nailing the ending of that Great American Novel. Guests meet as a group on Friday evening, but then it’s last-call for chitchat and time to “find the quiet within,” according to Angel_, a healer and trainer with an eccentrically spelled first name who lives on the premises and leads the retreat. The cost includes vegetarian meals and quarters shared by two to three people (private rooms are sometimes available). The spiritual focal point is definitely the meditation room, where group sessions are held twice daily. Or you can meditate your own way on the lounge deck overlooking a garden, pond and waterfall. Try this prank Two words: whoopee cushions. Strategically place them around the meditation room and this retreat won’t be silent for long.

Winner!
Best place to...make your privates public

Nudist Camp
Sun Ray Hills7148 McHenry St, Burlington, WI (262-539-2592, www.sunrayhills.com); Valley View Recreational Club, 3080 W Rockdale Rd, Cambridge, WI (608-423-3060, www.vvrc.org); Open all summer; $37–$71 per night; Ages: children (with a parent) to 80
If this is the summer you’re finally going to persuade your significant other to visit a nude camp, you’d be smart to direct him or her to the American Association for Nude Recreation (AANR) website, which clearly states: Yes, nude recreation is legal at designated resorts; and no, nude camps aren’t key-swapping sex romps. The site also offers valuable tips for first-timers, like “be sure to find out whether you’re hitting a clothing-optional or clothes-free club” (there’s a difference). And don’t forget to bring two towels per person: one for the pool and another to sit and lounge on while bouncing around the grounds—your new friends may be as nude as you, but they still don’t want your bare ass on their lounge chairs. Oh, and leave the camera at home.

Our neighbors in Wisconsin have five AANR-member clubs, such as Sun Ray Hills Nudist Camp just 80 miles away in Burlington, which, while clothing-optional, still encourages baring it all. “Trust me, you’ll be more uncomfortable with your clothes on,” says manager Michelle Woods, who has been a nudist for ten years. Here, most folks pay an annual fee for campsite access (some with water and electric). But first-timers are welcome, and 20 camping spaces are reserved for visitors ($58 a night includes grounds fees). While some imagine nude enthusiasts to be saggy-bottomed old-timers, Woods says most guests are in their thirties and forties. On weekend nights the poolside bar serves up cocktails, and on holiday weekends you can party with a Jimmy Buffett tribute band. Or slip on some boots, a cowboy hat and nothing else at the annual barn dance.

Further north (two and a half hours from Chicago) in Cambridge is Valley View Recreation Club, a clothes-free facility, which means you are required to be nude in the common areas (weather permitting). Accommodations range from the most affordable president’s suite ever ($40) to a vast tent-pitching area ($16), grounds fee not included. Lounge at the pool, get some much-needed shade in the clubhouse, or take part in the many themed events. Rita (who wouldn’t give us her last name, for some reason), a new employee at Valley View, recommends the annual Nude Car Show (Aug 11–13), with nude karaoke and an Elvis impersonator (sorry—the King’s not naked). Unfortunately, Rita has never attended the Wacky Nude Olympics and can’t shed any light on this year’s games, which take place in September. For that, you’ll just have to use your imagination.

Try this prank When the absurdly hairy dude asks you to put sunscreen on his shoulders (and you know he will), spell out kick me on his back.

Berlitz Total Immersion Adult Instruction
2 N LaSalle St, suite 1810 (312-782-6820; www.berlitz.us); Ongoing; $2,500 for five days of instruction; Ages: 18–80
Looking to impress your Polish girlfriend’s parents when they visit this summer? Or maybe you just want to look like a total asshole by ordering your next Taylor Street meal in pitch-perfect Italian. Well, it’ll cost some lira, but the Chicago office of language-training behemoth Berlitz can customize an intensive, weeklong program designed to help you function lickety-split in one of more than 50 different foreign languages.

It’s not a camp per se, but for seven and a half hours a day you’ll be connected at the hip with an instructor whose sole goal is to make sure you don’t embarrass yourself when trying to communicate. The Berlitz method is deceptively simple: Instructors simulate real-life situations—both in the classroom and around town—to bring context to everyday phrases and make sure they stick. Telephone dialogue and rapid-fire question-and-answer drills will have you thinking in your new language. The immersion doesn’t take a break for lunch, either. Learning German? Don’t be surprised to find yourself ordering schnitzel auf Deutsch at the Brauhaus.

Try this prank Research an offensive phrase (the more lewd the better) in your new language; on the first day of class, ask your instructor what it means. (Bonus: During the awkward silence to follow, tell him or her you heard it from your grandmother.)

Winner!
Best place to...have a fish boil

Björklunden Adult Summer Seminars
7590 Boynton Ln, Baileys Harbor, WI (920-839-2216, www.lawrence.edu/dept/bjork/); Jun 18 through the fall; $675–$1,000 (includes lodging and most meals); Ages: 18–80
No one likes summer school, but the courses offered through liberal-arts college Lawrence University at its pristine Björklunden (pronounced “Bee-york-lun-den”) estate five hours away in Baileys Harbor, Wisconsin, are the exception. While retired types typically flock to picturesque Door County every year to take advantage of how-to classes in old-timey pursuits like knitting and watercolor painting, this summer’s weeklong noncredit seminars include plenty of courses that appeal to the younger folk. Actor-director and Lawrence alum Campbell Scott (Big Night, Rodger Dodger) teaches “Nature in Film: Landscape as Character.” Those looking to learn the ins and the outs of the world’s most forbidden dances can check out “Understanding and Dancing Latin Music,” which offers salsa, merengue and tango instruction, but unfortunately no lambada or macarena.

All seminars take place in the 17,000-square-foot Björklunden lodge, which shows off the estate’s Norwegian heritage, and your stay includes meals prepared by a resident chef. The all-inclusive fee covers tuition, books, lodging at the estate and most meals. And since it wouldn’t be Door County without it, a traditional fish boil happens most Thursday and Friday evenings.

Try this prank Right before the music begins, tell your assigned dance partner, “This is the closest I’ve been to a woman (or man) in five years.”

The Raj Ayurveda Health Spa Toxin Detox Package
1734 Jasmine Ave, Fairfield, IA (800-248-9050, www.theraj.com); Open year-round; $645 a day or $2,043–$4,623 for multiday packages (tax not included); Ages: 18–80
The first thing you’re wondering is: What’s an ayurveda health spa? Well, it’s just like any spa, really—massages, yoga, the like—except there’s no bar or Jacuzzi. Oh, and all treatments are based on an ancient knowledge that predates Hinduism. Located five hours from Chicago in Fairfield, Iowa, the Raj (as it’s known to friends) is housed in a 36,000-square-foot French Provençal–style estate and is the only place outside of India that’s specifically built to offer these authentic rejuvenation treatments, which are said to cleanse and purify your body by eliminating toxins caused by stress, fatigue or “external impurities” (i.e., too much partying). But you’ll need to make a reservation—the spa accepts only 18 overnight guests at a time.

All visits begin with a pulse assessment—after putting three fingers on your wrist, the ayurveda health consultants swear they can pinpoint the level of imbalance in your body. Then you’re prescribed a series of oil massages, relaxation treatments (where herb-infused oil is slowly poured on your forehead), steam treatments and enemas (tastefully referred to as “elimination therapies”) that blast-cleanse years’ worth of red meat from your intestinal tract. The Raj offers three-, five- and seven-day packages that include a comfy room, organic vegetarian meals, yoga, cooking classes and all treatments. “It’s not glitzy, but it is beautiful and peaceful,” says Cindy Jacobson, who works in guest services. “You don’t realize the bliss you can have when the body is well.”

Try this prank Before your “elimination therapy” session, replace the recommended pre-enema meal of pureed veggies with a steak burrito. The administering therapist will be talking about you for weeks.