Walk this way

Face it: Tour groups are annoying. Whether you’ve been suckered into one on vacation or stuck behind one on your lunch hour, nothing says “I’m not from around here” like shuffling at a snail’s pace behind a backward-facing, megaphone-toting Pied Piper. Instead of subjecting your summer guests to embarrassing double-decker buses and Segway caravans, point them toward one of these city-savvy tours. From self-guided walks to sightseeing by bike, humiliation is kept to a minimum. And best of all, they’re free.

Millennium Park Greeter Service
’Hood Millennium ParkDuration 45 minutes
Who’s the guide? A “greeter”: a local (obviously) volunteer docent from the Office of Tourism
The details The Millennium Park Greeter Service is a miniversion of Chicago Greeter, where you can basically enlist a personal guide to show you around for a couple of hours. Our Millennium Park group was relatively small (there were seven of us, but we picked up a few stragglers along the way) and our docent, Carol, was intelligent and insightful—and incredibly smiley. It’s kind of like being shown around the park by a friend’s dorky, architecture-obsessed aunt.
Embarrassment factor Moderate. Sure, you’re going to be walking around in a pack led by (ugh) a guide with a microphone, but the groups are usually small enough that they don’t attract too much attention.
Departs from Millennium Park Welcome Center, 201 E Randolph St (312-742-2963). Daily, 10am and 2pm.

Loop Tour Train
’Hood Loop
Duration 40 minutes
Who’s the guide? Trained docents from the Chicago Architecture Foundation
The details Save your $2 for your commute: This is the best way to swoop around the Loop for free, and actually learn something. The CAF’s docents are renowned for being incredibly well read on local architecture, and they usually go easy on the cheese.
Embarrassment factor Minimal. For all the locals know, you’re just riding the El. So what if there’s a guy on a loudspeaker at its helm?
Departs from the Randolph/Wabash CTA station. Sat 11, 11:40am, 12:20, 1pm.
Obtain first-come, first-served tickets at the Chicago Office of Tourism Visitor Information Center, 77 E Randolph St (312-744-2400).

Chicago by Bike
’Hood 25 different neighborhoods around the city
Duration Two to four hours
Who’s the guide? Also part of Chicago Greeter Service (see Millennium Park Greeter Service), these biking tours are led by a greeter— a volunteer docent from the Office of Tourism.
The details New this summer, Chicago by Bike aims to show visitors Chicago’s bicycle-friendly side, through various routes along the 50-plus miles of bike paths around town. Bikes and helmets are complimentary, too.
Embarrassment factor Minimal. Basically, you’re just biking around the city with a couple of other folks.
Departs from Chicago Cultural Center Visitor Center, 77 E Randolph St (312-744-8000, www.chicagogreeter.com). Daily, 10am and 1pm; seven-day advance registration required.

Chicago’s Free Trolleys
’Hood Tourist destinations around town, including Navy Pier, Museum Campus, Lincoln Park Zoo and Water Tower Place
Duration As far as we know, you can ride these trolleys till your heart’s content (or until you get kicked off).
Who’s the guide? Technically, the drivers, but in our experience, they don’t say much beyond calling out stops.
The details The trolley system is pretty rad. Basically, you can hitch free rides to the most popular tourist destinations downtown instead of navigating the bus system or wasting money on cabs. It’s especially great for lugging shopping bags from the Mag Mile back to your hotel—or simply getting from point to point. Warning: Trolleys are popular—and for good reason—so they’re not advised if you can’t stand tourist crowds. We made the mistake of riding during the Taste of Chicago, which attracted some obnoxious characters. The woman in the seat in front of us chose our 25-minute ride as an opportunity to have a D.A.R.E.–esque heart-to-heart with her daughter. Swear to God, we heard her say, “Don’t forget: You are Top Model material.”
Embarrassment factor It all depends. Waiting in sometimes lengthy trolley lines advertises how lazy you are (the walk from the Art Institute to the Sears Tower isn’t that far), but once you’re on the shuttle, you’re hidden from view.
Depart from various locations downtown. Daily, 10am–6pm every 20 minutes; Navy Pier hours Sun–Thu 10am–11pm; Fri, Sat 10am–1am every 20 minutes. For details, visit www.cityofchicago.org/transportation/trolleys.

Loop the Loop
’Hood Loop
Duration 25 to 60 minutes
Who’s the guide? You—and your headphones
The details Released last month, three different Loopcentric audio tours—Art, Landmark and Theatre—and their corresponding maps are downloadable on the Chicago Loop Alliance’s website (TOC is a member of the CLA and part-sponsor of the tour), so all you need to get cultured is an iPod and a printer. (If you don’t own either, you can borrow maps and a loaded MP3 player from the ArchiCenter.)
Embarrassment factor Minimal. Everyone and their mom walks around downtown lost in “shuffle” on their iPod; yours just happens to be pumping out historical information about Buckingham Fountain and Cloud Gate.
Download materials from www.chicagoloopalliance.com, or visit ArchiCenter, 224 S Michigan Ave (312-782-9160).

Lincoln Park Conservatory Tour
’Hood Lincoln Park
Duration 30 minutes
Who’s the guide? Trained volunteer docents from the Chicago Park District
The details For those who couldn’t care less about downtown landmarks, the Lincoln Park Conservatory offers a refuge from touristy hustle and bustle and is perfect for nature lovers. This tour also makes a great activity during summer storms: The building itself is a Victorian glass house with stunning 360-degree views of the surrounding grounds, and all the action’s under one roof—no awkward golf umbrellas required.
Embarrassment factor Nonexistent. Even locals love this one.
2391 N Stockton Dr (312-742-7736). Fri 1–4pm; Sat 9am–noon and 1–4pm; Sun 1–4pm every half hour.