We're hooka-ed

I’d just inhaled and was passing the hookah hose to my friend when I busted out laughing. The bingo announcer had called out two squares b8 and n39—and then helpfully repeated them by singing: “If you’re calling me on my phone, it’s 773-B8-N39, cause you’re so fine—touch your butt, you’re not a slut.”

Like most bingo nights around the city—from those held at church halls to drag queen–themed Boystown events—things got intense at this Thursday-night session at Guess Hookah. But it was hard to be too serious when announcer Andy Stegmeyer (who alternately referred to himself as the Mammoth or Tuscan Owl) hyped a prize (like “Brian the Ukelele-Playing Party Boy Gay Killer Whale” figurine) or channeled Bill Cosby to announce the next ball. Adding to the laid-back vibe is the back-room lounge, where we sank into a big fat couch with pillows, surrounded by deep reds and shelves filled with games like Battleship and Jenga, while Cartoon Network (the new Transformers cartoons!) flashed on the four TV screens. And then there was, of course, the three-foot Egyptian hookah filled with exotic mango and honey tobacco (there are more than 100 different varieties) that sat in the middle of our table.

The weekly event started in August, a month after owner John Coakley moved the shop—which sells things like pipes, rolling papers, candles and incense in its storefront—a couple blocks east to its location at 1829 W Chicago Avenue.

What makes this bingo night different from others around town is that it manages to mix the traditional social experience of kicking back and sharing a smoke with your friends (“relax…and enjoy your poop afterward,” Stegmeyer encouraged) with comedy and prizes—like a George Foreman grill, hookahs (duh) and tickets to see The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee—if you’re the first to cover your b column.

Things do get competitive, though. If more than one person gets bingo, players go head-to-head in a spell-off. We witnessed a nail-biter of a tiebreaker one night, in which a guy and girl vied for a six-pack of Mondo Fruit Squeezers, a miniature American flag and a can of Silly String.

Perhaps the two contestants weren’t pumped about the prizes, or maybe they were just dodos (hookah smoking doesn’t get you high), but they both managed to misspell Connecticut. And then conundrum. They finally managed to spell toolbox and chair correctly (maybe it was Stegmeyer’s stellar use of the latter in this sentence: “I’m going swimming, chair”). Guess Hookah doesn’t sell alcohol (you can bring your own), but there is a selection of drinks such as Egyptian sodas in flavors like mango and apple.

By night’s end, prizes like an Indian warrior play set and a blow-dart shooter (“straight from a small-arms store in Nebraska”) found new homes, we found out that i28 wants to “make love to [us] and buy a Frigidaire in the suburbs,” and covered our cards in all kinds of patterns. Which gave us an idea: How about a prize for the first player to block out a giant h, for “hookah”?

“I never thought about that one,” Coakley says. “We’ll do that this week.”

Hookah bingo is Thursdays, 9pm-12am. One hookah (for four people) is $12; refills $6. Visit www.guesshookah.com.