Dream date

McLovin just might be the new band camp—as in the catchphrase of the summer, born of a filthy, energetic teen movie. Superbad stars Christopher Mintz-Plasse (pictured, from left), Michael Cera and Jonah Hill as three high-school seniors desperate to get drunk and laid. Shenanigans ensue. I sat down with the three young stars (Cera’s 19; Hill, 23; and Mintz-Plasse just turned 18) and figured there was no better way to quiz them on their love-and-sex comedy than to…well, quiz them on their love and sex lives. I pulled dorky love quizzes off the Internet, but the guys rarely let me get through all the potential answers without jumping in with their own brand of McLovin.

Okay, boys, time for an Internet love survey: “Your date leans in for a goodnight kiss. You—”
Jonah Hill Give her the cheek.

Really? So you don’t go for aggressive women?
Christopher Mintz-Plasse The cheek?
JH Or I’ll kiss her for a short amount of time and then say, “That was awful,” and then if she laughs, I know we’re meant for each other.
CM-P I like that. I’m going to try that.
Michael Cera I like it to be like Notting Hill, my dating life.
JH Rent Notting Hill and The Shining, and you’ve got Michael’s dating life.
MC Stop Notting Hill halfway through and then watch The Shining.

So…you enjoy a cold winter and your partner and a child freezing to death?
MC Yeah, I’m old-fashioned.

This isn’t me saying you guys are unattractive: “What’s your attitude towards women if you don’t think you’re going to win them over with looks?”
MC I like girls that’ve got a little bit of sass, a little less conversation, a little more action, and know how to wear a full-length dress. It makes them seem more lithe. L-i-t-h-e. I like lithe. It makes me feel a-lithe.
JH Wait, what was the question?

Okay, this one’s a little dirty, but…I saw your movie. It’s pretty dirty. “You like sex doggy-style. She likes it too, but nowhere near as much as you do. How many nondoggy encounters should occur before you request doggy again? Zero, two, 15 or 30?”
JH That’s too big a range! Somewhere between two and 15.
CM-P Seven?
MC What was the question? How many dates until you kiss a girl?

“Male sex drive is to female sex drive as…”
MC A dead squirrel is to a panther.
CM-P Al Roker is to Star Jones?
MC Wait, I want to go with Al Roker’s enthusiasm is to Brian Dennehy’s enthusiasm. The…late Brian Dennehy?

No, he’s still alive.
JH Oh, Jesus.
MC Okay, current Brian Dennehy. I thought he died. Wait, he died in Tommy Boy. But that’s just made up.

“The correct number of flowers to bring a woman the first time is...”
CM-P One?
MC My girlfriend hates flowers. I tried to get her a Chia Pet, but you can’t get them after Christmas. It was, like, a week after Christmas. I went to a Walgreens, and they were all like, “You just missed them.”
JH The last girl I dated I gave her a volcano kit ’cause she was studying to be a geologist.
MC But it gave her diarrhea.
JH She didn’t know you couldn’t eat it.
MC She passed away.
JH It was natural causes. Nothing to do with the volcano.

Um…is she really dead?
JH No, no.

Somewhere she’s in a coffee shop with Brian Dennehy, really offended.
JH [In a feeble attempt at Dennehy’s voice] You can’t tell Jonah we’re together. People think I’m dead.

Last quiz question: “The line most likely to get you in there—”
JH In where?
CM-PThere.
MC [À la Borat] Vagine.
JH I’d slip her a note saying, “I casually want to slip my penis inside you.”

What’s the difference between casually and formally slipping your penis in someone?
JH I was totally joking. You’re trying to steer this—
MC It’s whether she agreed to it.
JH I’d never go up to a girl in a bar and be like, “Hey, I was looking at you…and it just feels right.” [But I might say,] “This may be too forward, but would you like to see my friend Michael’s genitals? They’re shaped like a zebra.”

Superbad opens Friday 17.