Found guilty

• Matrix sequels
• The Secret, both the viral “film” and the books
• Steve Winwood
• Seven Pounds
• 3 Doors Down’s “Citizen Soldier” National Guard ad shown before films at Landmark theaters
• Barbed-wire armband tattoos
• Phantom of the Opera (the movie)
• Damien Hirst
• The Jerry Springer Show
• Chaps (unless you’re in a rodeo)
• Limp Bizkit
• Night Train (the wine, not the song)
• The McRib
• Perez Hilton’s blog
• Mixed martial arts
• Fanny packs, whether earnest or hipster-ironic
• C-SPAN
• Soldier Field’s spaceship crash (a.k.a. the 2003 redesign)
• The Bachelor, horrible in both concept and execution
• Insane Clown Posse and its Faygo-toting “juggalo” fans
• Dog-carrier purses
• Poi, the sticky, gray, bloblike Hawaiian food
• Air Supply
• The Purpose Driven Life
• Kelly Clarkson’s “Since U Been Gone”
• Pixy Stix
• Jakob the Liar, the Robin Williams Holocaust movie (actually, every Robin Williams film since Dead Poets Society)
• “Skat Strut” by MC Skat Kat featuring Paula Abdul
• Don Imus
• Side ponytails
• String Cheese Incident/Phish/Umphrey’s McGee (pretty much the same thing, so we combined them into one entry)