Frankly, I'm not as impressed anymore with Alan Metoskie

Something incredible happened last night at the Impress These Apes finale. Alan Metoskie was in seventh place, despite his brilliant week seven parody of Future Human. He needed to pull out all the stops—but really, the show was over, as it was highly unlikely everyone above him would tank so badly that he'd have a shot at winning. Still, Metoskie was undeterred. He showed a video that followed him to a tattoo parlor, where he bartered his computer for the services of those skin artists. A few hours and plenty of shaved back hair later, Metoskie had done it: He had tattooed his entire back with the word, "IMPRESSED? " The lights went up; he returned to the stage and proudly showed off his creation. The crowd stood up and applauded.

The feedback was just as positive. "You're in seventh place, Alan. Seventh place!" shouted guest judge Kristen Studard, winner of ITA Season Two. Hollywood Ape, though not allowed to verbalize the score, said, "I gave you the score that rhymes with 'One more than nine.' " My mind was racing: It's my job to write the Best Of 2008 article in a few weeks, and I was already filling out space to include this wonderful moment. A seventh place contestant, with no chance of winning, permanently inked his body for a higher score/to go down in history. What commitment!

Except, of course, that it was all a lie.

Metoskie didn't get a tattoo. It was fake—one audience member got a good look at the afterparty, and says it looked like Sharpie-on-plastic. All three judges noticed at that moment too, though Barry Shirley notes that "He still had to shave that back of his. Ten points!"

Now, within the confines of the show, it was still a terrific moment—as my co-worker put it this morning, it's amazing he was able to convince everyone that it was real throughout. But I can't help but feel somewhat betrayed; going from "One of the most gung-ho Chicago comedy moments I've ever seen" to "a nifty stage gimmick" will do that to a person. And poor Becky Eldridge, who went on after Metoskie, must be kicking herself for the inflated expectations the audience held.

But that's the beauty of Impress These Apes: Truly anything can happen. In the meantime between show runs, check out James Asmus's performance (posted soon) for another fine example of taking the audience for a ride.